You just made me feel so damn special
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
