He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
