If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The adults are the big ones right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
