My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
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I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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