were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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