haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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