Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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