i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm both gender and math confused
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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