Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
