I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
