i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
