so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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