I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this beer tastes like vomit already
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
