having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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