Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize