I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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