this just has baby written all over it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I did not marry a roomba.
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