Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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