Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found your dick twin last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
