That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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