So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
