It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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