there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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