You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
