Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
