From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
