He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
