You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
