when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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