either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
