i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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