Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
