I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
