dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
