I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
