He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
