Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
