Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
