You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
