he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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