All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
