I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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