i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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