I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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