I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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