Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
