thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
