it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
