i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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