Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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