a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize