end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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