My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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