I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is not my ceiling
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
