did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's great music for shaving your balls
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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