sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
