i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
