Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
