as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
