saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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