Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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