guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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