My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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