see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
