Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
