you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hippo gnu deer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
