Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My dick has a subreddit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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